R. J. Hoffman

...cool i think, thanks for inviting me to this. i like the way it revolves around the setting sun. though i think that you should include something about tiny sqeaks ...

now that people mention this i see this as a cliche of the matrix and aero flux. primarily aeroflux. i hope you will explain in detail how tech. can create ...

um i dont really know what to say about is a bit short cant really judge character traits well. what about the setting? where are they?

please pm me when you come out with new chapters so i can review

i like how the hero is not getting all the fame and glory for his actions.

to add to what i said rubric, i am interested as to how you will handle the non combat portion that i am guessing will come next please pm me ...

could you please make it available in another way, i would like to read it, but am unconfortable about down loading a file from some random guy.

i like how you made it so larrel got the crap kicked outta him. it showed he wasnt invincible. i also like how he did not kill the mage soldier ...

thank you kaliber. i see what you mean, though it is intentional. please view chapter 2 to understand why. i want the reader to not know what is going on ...

good point but that is coming up in chapter 3 which will play a signifigant importance , i also mention them in chapter 2.

this needs some added work. it is to short, and i cannot make a real review because of it

Yes it is better. PM me when you get chapter 3 submited. I look forward to seeing what is next.

you said this was a fan fic. please move to fan fic. I will review when it is moved. PM me.

i stated i had only critiqued the first post. What i meant by the science fiction section, is the whole hightech voice activated tech. and stuff, but thats just my ...

good point tree. maybe she could be fading in and out of consiencioucness (spelled wrong srry) and maybe even have some hint as to why earthlings are being sciences guinie ...